• Jackie Davis

The Morning After....

Updated: Oct 7, 2020

I titled this “The Morning After”…

No, NOT that kind. Last night wasn’t a night of physical and emotional bliss.

Last night was a night of emotional and spiritual harm. This is the kind of morning after where I’m continually reminded that even though we’re in a pandemic, the greater plague of structural racism is running neck-and-neck with COVID19. Last night, we learned that there would be no justice for Breoanna Taylor’s murder. That there would be no comforting words for her mother, her siblings,  her lover.  I am feeling an odd out of body reality.  My spirit is burning down buildings; it’s screaming a primordial cry of RAGE so hot it could burn…my body is carrying on as usual…as is America. My struggles with maintaining relationships during COVID are laced with guilt and fear. I secluded myself from friends and family for at least 4 months; with August came the small opening of my own bubble of seclusion to enfold my closest kin…no more than two at a time.  This time has showed me that I’m not who I thought I would be. I thought I would be brave. I was afraid. I thought I would be on the front lines. Instead I was under the covers. I thought I’d be shouting “No justice; no peace!”, instead I was crying and praying “please don’t let me die alone in my apartment; please don’t let it come for me.”  Being asked to come on board for this production first as an actor at the virtual table read, then as a casting director…then as a co-director…then as a producer…was the lifeline that I didn’t realize I was so desperate to receive. I had been so afraid, had sunken so far into the depths of despair that I was constantly riddled with anxiety and panic attacks to the point of considering asking for medication. To be pulled out of ‘self’ into community is such a gift. The work that everyone on the team from actors to final cut editing is so exciting. I look forward to our storyboard meetings where we get to revisit the work put in by our actors. I’m excited for an audience to see the work and to see themselves reflected in it.   I can’t believe we are as of today, over 200,000 people dead from COVID19. I am not without disbelief that the police in this country has the freedom to kill us at will. I wish I could hug stranger and say “It’s going to be better soon.” I know that I can’t. Not today, anyway.

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